Hysterics
by Feirdra
Summary: The humanity behind the maniacal laughter... Lost in the terrible power of the cyber-bitbeasts, sometimes... they can find each other. Shounen-ai, but just barely. Jim x Wyatt


**_)hYsTeRiCs(_**

**_-_**

"I made him mad."

I made Kai mad, and I don't think I even said sorry, not really, I really should've said sorry properly. Kai's my friend and I shouldn't have made him mad. Kai can stay mad for a really really long time.

"Kai mad bad. You'd better not make Kai mad."

It's so funny– so darn funny! I can feel the tickly feeling busting my insides out but I can't laugh because I'm too happy and my throat tickles too much. IT makes me happy. IT burns and IT smothers me with its feathers. IT's got huge wings, and they burn, but they burn so hot it's like I'm standing in the sun and then I have to laugh but I still can't. So I can just settle for telling everyone the sun's the center of the world!

The burning's the center of the world; it's everywhere and I go everywhere it goes so how can it not be? Even the sun follows me and the new Phoenix. Who cares about science and technology, anyway?

It burns it burns it burns! It burns and it hurts so bad but it really doesn't because I like it so so so so DAMN much. It's the best feeling in the world and I wouldn't trade anything in for it, not even the perfect moment with Kai smiling at me and saying he forgives me, after I say sorry.

"Sorry, Kai. I'm sorry so sorry, sorry!"

It echoes in here, lots and lots. They never listen to me if I'm quiet so maybe if I shout it to the world they'll hear. Maybe if I break the glass they'll hear me. Maybe if I break the door down?

I wonder if Dranzer's forgiven him yet. I wonder if I give him Cyber-Dranzer maybe he'll laugh with me and I can finally laugh out loud instead of in my head and till my insides split and spill out but not really? I wonder if he's forgiven himself yet.

"Maybe if we could build a time-machine, Kai, we could hit two birds with one stone!"

I'm gonna have to laugh at the look on his face at that.

"Wonder why my memory's the longest still life in the history of the world."

History. Ha. Good one.

But history repeats itself and what if I can't laugh out even then? What if it all stays inside and then Kai gets mad at me for not laughing?

"Maybe I'll give him Cyber-Draciel, and Cyber-Dragoon, and Cyber-Drigger too!"

It hurts SO bad to laugh with your insides but it hurts with the burning and that's okay. It burns and it hurts and it laughs all together and I feel like I'm gonna explode and I just wanna get up and dance my feet to shreds and fritter my bones away playing with knives.

It's bad to play with knives. I'm a bad boy.

"But so is Kai, so that's all right, isn't it?"

I finally laugh out! But my throat hurts like I jammed a knife down it and he stops me up so hard and so fast it hurts my mouth. We do everything so much so.

"Stop it, Wyatt. Stop it! It's not funny anymore."

He gets so mad sometimes, though, _I_ have to stop _him_. He's always so angry except here and now. He's always saying _everyone steps on the little guys_ and _fate is bullshit_ and stuff like that.

"You– _we_ promised… remember?"

That's right… we promised. He _made_ me promise not to laugh then. Now. All the time he's here, I can't laugh, and he can't get mad, and we can't cry but we do it anyway.

And sometimes he grabs me and sometimes I grab him but it doesn't matter because in the minute after we're both grabbing everything we can get ahold of and we're both just trying to smother the smothering with our desperate smothering grasping.

He says HE's too heavy, and that's why the new Fortress's smothering too.

It's the burning. It's the so much so. It's the smothering.

In the end, it all comes down to the _power_. He took it and I took it and we went on a blind date together, now isn't that a coincidence? Or is it a paradox or a paradigm or a parabola…? I promised I wouldn't laugh.

"Wyatt… look at me. Just… look at me, please. _Please_."

He said it was only one time but he came again and again and again like _he_ was supposed to but instead the turtle flew in the window. I didn't know turtles could fly. Just that they're all blond. Or maybe he's just a turtledove.

"Me and… You?"

"Yeah. Something like that."

He laughs a little and I laugh with him but not out loud, and then he remembers and I remember and it all stops, but it's not the tickly-hurting-bursting stop. It's just the nothing-needs-doing stop. We don't have to start and we don't have to stop and it's just perfect.

At night, it's all perfect, no power no buts no so much sos. No Kai no Dranzer no laughing, just crying a little because we can and laughing a little because we can't. And we're a little sad and a little happy and that's just fine, because we don't need the so much sos for a little while. Just a little. And we're just two kids in a bed hugging each other to death and that's all.

And that's perfect.

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Jim/Wyatt _moment_. Or whatever.

Note how the word 'love' never comes up in this.

Review.


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